Tag Archives: momlife

Emergency Landing with my Children

I’ve thought a lot about this, whether I was going to write something, publish it so other people could understand, or even just for people to understand why I joke and laugh about it.

November 15, 2018, was the worst moment of my life, one I will live with forever. The day started great! Got myself and the kids ready for the flight, we were going to surprise our nannies and poppies in St. John’s for a whole month and I had some excited children! The plane arrived in Churchill Falls no problem and we were off to Deer Lake.

My son made a literal angel of a best buddy on the plane, I was worried he would be next to someone who didn’t like children, but that wasn’t the case, Diana was awesome with Ethan and I didn’t even have to bother with Ethan during the entire time. After everything we went through that day, she’s pretty much family now.

We start to descend into deer lake, like any normal descent, then we start ascending again. It was one of the windiest days on the Island so we didn’t really think anything of it, just thought we would try again or have to land elsewhere due to weather. Well we were wrong. The captain came on over the speaker and told us they were waiting to hear back from Deer Lake, and that there was an issue with the nose gear but it didn’t seem like a real issue, so we all just continued to wait while we circled. Captain came on again and stated that the nose gear would not lock so he was going to attempt some manoeuvres to try and get it to work, we felt the plane jolt a couple times and then continued circling.

The stewardess picked up a pamphlet and opened it immediately so there was no way we could see what was on the pamphlet or what it was regarding. The other stewardess came up and did the same and the two of them started going through what seem to be a checklist. That is when shit got real for me. Myself and Diana were conversing throughout it all and fairly got to the conclusion that he’s going to have to land. (A lot of people said afterwards he was just trying to run off the gas in the plane while circling, you know, prevent becoming a big fireball once we got on the ground I guess).

The captain came on the speaker informing us we are going to have to make an emergency landing, he stated the problem with the nose gear again and said there is a chance it could lock but the way he said it was almost like he knew it wouldn’t. The stewardesses were going to talk us through the emergency landing procedure and within 20 minutes we would be on the ground. I could see the stewardess in front was as scared as we were, I remember watching her explain everything and her eyes were watery, I do not blame her at all, the staff on the plane that day were the strongest people on the plane.

“Brace for impact” came over the speaker and the stewardesses jumped into action (well sat). “BRACE BRACE BRACE” “BRACE FOR IMPACT”. We landed on the back wheels and the pilot was able to slow the plane down as normal until the very end when the nose of the plane ground into the runway. “LEAVE EVERYTHING BEHIND, GET OFF OF THE PLANE, RUN AWAY FROM THE PLANE”.

Let me take you through my personal experience, that above any of us on the plane could tell you. “Why do they have check lists? What’s going on?” My entire thought process up until I heard the captain confirm emergency landing. Ethan had to pee for about a 1/2 hr and we couldn’t get up because of the seat belt sign, so needless to say, he was crooked and showcasing his anger by not listening to a sign thing I said or asked or told him to do. Myself and Diana were trying to get him to listen and go into the brace position, he wasn’t having any of it, Abby was fine in her car seat but Ethan, I couldn’t protect him, he was across the aisle with Diana. I was crying, I wanted so much not to cry and have my kids see me like that, but I was terrified, I had no clue what was going to happen but I felt like we were going to die, I think pretty much all of us on the plane felt that way. We were going to crash and I could not protect my son, and he was being a true defiant child all the way down, no matter what I said he was not listening, I was bawling, like ugly crying because of the situation, Ethan not listening, thinking we were going to end up in a mangled mash of plane. Diana looked over at me and told me she had him, she was going to cover him with her body, he wasn’t hers, they had met only a couple hours earlier, and she was an angel to me that day, and I am not sure I could ever thank her enough for what she did for me that day. She will hold a special place in my heart forever. We all frantically started texting people, telling them about what was going on, sending “love you” to them. I even texted my parents, just a “love you” because despite trying to surprise them, I didn’t want to die or anything and them not know I loved them because of a surprise.

We landed.. Diana had Ethan and took him off the plane, I took Abby out of her car seat. I was only able to get the kids teddies and Abby’s nummy in my pocket before we landed and everything else had to be left. We quickly got off the plane and I searched for Ethan and Diana, both were fine, a firefighter told us to get the kids into the back of the fire truck to keep warm.. if it was cold then didn’t know, I just jumped in the fire truck with the kids and waited for someone to tell us what to do. Taxi cabs came and picked us up from the crash site. I remember seeing the plane and thanking every god and person in heaven that it was over and no one was hurt, we drove to the airport.

we waited there for a couple hours before we got on a bus and drove to deer lake to get on another plane. We were all feeling the cold on that bus, we were frozen, bus didn’t have heat so after 2 hrs we were all froze, got off the bus and the Airline crew took care of all of our luggage and had us checked in already. We went right through security and got on the next plane, the poor stewardess didn’t want to go through the emergency procedures and such but she had to and we all understood, we landed in St. John’s and I was just done, I was exhausted, kids were balls of energy, and I was just happy to be with my family.

I will never get over this, I have to get on a plane to get back home and I’m dreading it. I drove to Stavanger drive the other day and just saw a plane descend and all the happy just drained from my body, my heart began to race and my palms were sweaty. I think about the crash all the time, I look at my kids and I’m thankful we are all here and they really didn’t know/care about what was going on.

If you see me and want to talk about the plane, I have no problem with it, I welcome it! It’s now a fact of my life, I went through something of most people’s nightmares and thankfully came out without a physical scratch, little messed up mentally but who wouldn’t be?


17 Things I Learned in 2017

Family is Everything

I have seen a lot of people posting things on Facebook regarding their “top 9” photos of 2017. And it is so cute and I love it but when I went to do it I had more than 9 photos I wanted to use. Looking at all those photos made me realize that a lot has happened this year, the good, the bad and the ugly. I have grown and learned a lot this year, so instead of doing 9 photos, I’m going to reflect on 17 things I have learned over the past year, about myself and about everything. I’ll start it off on a lighter note!

1: I absolutely love baking. It’s my calm in the whirlwind of my everyday life, and what is even better, Ethan likes to help me too! Being able to share something I love with my son just makes me whole. I started doing little basic cakes and now I’m starting to carve cakes (like Ethan’s dinosaur birthday cake) and with the help of my friends I’m trying out designs I wasn’t even sold on at first, like the naked cake.

2: Popcorn is pretty much one of the best junk foods. Covered in chocolate, topped with sugar or multiple different seasonings, or even plain! And of course it’s the one food you start off eating all dainty, then 10 mins in you’re shovelling it into your mouth like you’ve never seen food before and licking the excess butter or toppings off your fingers like it’s some sort of crack haha

3: It is completely normal to feel lonely in a group of people, I’m not the only person that feels this way, and it’s totally ok. Sometimes we all just want that human interaction, and I don’t mean my kids, I mean other adults, someone you can say penis and vagina too without them snickering, laughing, rolling their eyes, or, in my case, when Ethan grabs it and goes “big bird”. That being said, you can certainly feel lonely at a party full of adults, especially if you haven’t been able to be “accepted” into a group. You’re probably a little different, say some crazy or stupid stuff, or even have something bigger going on mental you are trying to cope with. I’m horrible in crowds, I get verbal diarrhea and I’ll be at the grocery store and I just can’t stop talking! Its embarrassing but also kinda like therapy because I’m talking to an actual adult and that’s definitely something we take for granted before kids haha.

4: I wear an obscene amount of hoodie and legging combos. Something happens when you become a parent, especially a stay at home mom, you turn into a hoodie and a pair of leggings. Like legit my legs have no clue what denim feels like anymore 😂. I’m gonna be honest, I’m going to continue this because it is so damn comfortable, and when you spend your day with children hanging off of you, lord knows you don’t need constricting jeans pissing you off at the same time.

5: PANIC ATTACKS SUCK! Typically you have two options when you feel an attack coming on, the less successful method of trying to distract or talk yourself down, and complete utter breakdown. Know when you’re cold and you can’t stop shaking? Well try that amplified by 1000 and the feeling that your world is quickly closing in on you, anyone who says “slowly closing in on you” is full of shit, the actual commencing of a panic attack is like getting hit by a freight train. Now I’ll admit each attack has a severity meter, for example I had one yesterday that rated a 3 on a 1-10 scale. I’ve had a 10, your chest constricts, it starts getting harder to breathe, you’re hyperventilating, heavy horrible ugly crying, unable to get out words or thoughts, your eyes are burning because you are crying so much, you’re a heap on the floor, shaking uncontrollably, because you can’t even muster getting into a ball. It’s dark, it’s terrifying, and you’re suffering until it’s over.

6: I have a talent, it’s called eating an entire bag of chips in one sitting without even noticing, I bet you’re all jealous, all of you people who can only eat a couple chips out of a bag. Give me a bag of cool ranch Doritos or even a bag of salt and vinegar chips (yeah the ones that burn the shit out of your tongue till you feel likes it bleeding) and they will be gone before bed! Yeah yeah it’s not healthy, but I’m not exactly the poster child for health so deal with it haha.

7: I need to put myself in more situations I’m uncomfortable with so I can learn how to deal with that situation. I’m the person who makes friends with the dogs or children at parties! And I’m not a big drinker, if it involves walking home in any temperature under -15 you can gaurentee I’m driving unless there is a cab service. So I suck at adult gatherings. But after seeing a therapist and such I know I have to try to learn how to cope. Now it’s not like I’ve never been good at parties, hell I loved partying in university! I just have to learn how to love it again haha.

8: I can make amazingly delicious Christmas cookies, tea buns, and recently I’ve learned I can make a pretty good General Tso chicken! I used to think I was really only good at baking cakes and cupcakes but I’ve surprised even myself with how good I can be at making other things! I am challenging myself more and more, and it feels so good when a recipe turns out great!

9: I cannot get enough of medical shows. This year I must have watched greys anatomy and bones a minimum of 3 times each! The thrill behind it all, not to mention the cheesy romances and dramas between the characters, just gets me hooked!

10: I’m not ok, and that’s ok. I struggle a lot with social situations, I never feel like I belong and to be constantly be where you don’t feel comfortable is horrible for my mind. I had enough of it in June and decided to go to a psychologist. I have high anxiety and mild depression (along with horrible self image), when it comes to the depression I’m rather high functioning but I have episodes and they suck. But my anxiety ruins my day before it even starts. I think and overthink everything, especially interactions. If I’m out and I talk with you then you can guarantee that night I’m rerunning the conversation in my mind multiple times to figure out if I said something wrong or stupid. When I’m out places i sit by myself when I’m not comfortable and I’ll just observe and fight with myself whether I should go up to a group of people and chat or just stay where I’m too. I hate it because my anxiety wins and I end up looking like the loser at the party. Even with therapy I’m not better, but I’m trying and I’m learning, it’s not an overnight fix and there is a lot I need to fix, so please be patient with me. I don’t dislike anyone, I’m not a bitch, I’m just fighting with myself. Sometimes, I find it hard to get out of bed. And to be honest, if I did not have my children, I am sure there would be days that I didn’t get out of bed. It’s not just because I’m tired. I’m a mother, I personally do not know any other state than tired. And just because I say I’m tired doesn’t mean I need a nap, most of the time when II’m tired I have had enough of everything and I either need to push through it or get away from it all. As many of you who are mothers no, you can never get away from it all. So most days for perpetual state of tiredness. Depression and anxiety doesn’t just mean you are sad or feel nothing, for me some of the times I’m angry, like irrationally angry, generally over nothing, I could be in a bad mood and yell at my kids or Alex, or I could find something to feed my anger into, like someone’s being a bitch, and it’ll be like I’m super into a heated debate about something I probably don’t even care about. Anyways, since seeing the psychologist I’m coming to terms with a lot of things, and realizing what I’m going through is pretty normal in today’s society, which is almost scary but at the same time helpful because I know people understand what I’m going through, and as cliche as it sounds, I’m not alone.

11: Pug cuddles and pretty much the best cuddles and they are close to the best companion I could ever want or have. Sometimes you just want and need a cuddle, and getting cuddles from my kids is amazing but also rare, but ivy and Penny are all about the cuddles and it’s everything, they just want to be touching your leg, or leaned up against you, keeping you warm and loved. Even when I hate myself, my kids are angry, and I’ve probably pissed off my husband, I can sit on the couch and they with come over and cuddle me. They are the hugs I never knew I needed. They are so much more than just a dog to me, plus have you ever looked at a pug? They are a constant form of entertainment, adorable, and (as my sister put it) so ugly they are cute haha. Sometimes I just look in their faces, or overhear their snoring and I can’t help but laugh or smile ❤️.

12: Keeping my kids alive is more difficult than it looks haha. Did you know that kids don’t care what you say even if it’s in the best interest of their health? Yup they don’t give a shit. Yesterday my daughter (16 months) learned if she turns the garbage on its side she can get everything on the counter in the kitchen.. she already understands how to open doors, get in and out of her high chair, and climb on literally everything, but now she’s getting more inventive. Ethan’s a bit better but he’s still got a death wish too, but his is more.. running away from me in grocery stores and parking lots. This parenting thing is fun but holy hell its hard haha.

13: Sesame Street is still a great show, and the even have new characters, one named Abby! we are a “have the tv on 24/7” kinda people. But I like it because the children are never really engrossed in the tv, only if a song comes, then they dance for the song and continue on playing. Sometimes it’s nice to take a break from the stress of everyday and watch something “back to the basics”

14: You have to make time for yourself, and I know that’s impossible at times but you need to for your own mental health. I try to drink a coffee without disturbance every morning. Minimum of 50% of the time I fail, but I’m trying at least. Then I have my cakes, even though it’s kinda like my job, it’s still something I love doing and feel better after I have done it! 🙂

15: Time is nothing. Somehow I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and I have no clue when that happened. I’ve been living in Churchill for almost 6 years! My pregnancy on Abby was just like a blink, and every time I blink they are passing milestones and are more and more grown up.

16: Churchill Falls isn’t actually that bad of a place to live. It’s safe, clean, quiet, and generally everyone is friendly so any encounters outside of your house are generally positive. The fresh produce situation sucks from time to time, there is snow like 9 months a year, and sometimes it’s so cold they have to close school. So I guess it has both positives and negatives, however I’m starting to like it here, nothing can replace living near my family, and having that family support, or even being near an actual medical centre with an actual doctor; however it’s a great place to get our start as a family and a great place to raise a family, if Alex’s professional career keeps us here, it’s not the end of the world anymore. We could have it a lot worse and it has taught me to appreciate the things I don’t have access to all the time, like a hospital, take out venues, or even Walmart.

To be honest I’ve been struggling getting 17 things, I mean, there is only so much you can learn in a year when you are not in school haha. But here is number 17!

17: Having friends that love your children, as much as you do, is so important. I have friends who want to take my kids in and out of their car seats, want to hang out with me and the kids, find my kids funny and even tolerate the, at their worst. They push the stroller, buy things for my kids, and interact with them! And that means so much to have friends like that in my life, and you can never have too many friends like that. Those are the friends you keep around and will stay around for a lifetime, and I love them so much for being there. They are there when I need to bitch, when I need to get out of my house, when I need a break, or even when I just want adult company to get fast food. Along with my family, they are the ones who help me push through the bad days and make each day a little better.

Well there it is! 17 things I learned in 2017, took a week to write but I think it was worth it. I love to write after all. Take each day as a day to learn something, and know in whatever you do, that you are not alone. Whether is losing weight, recovering after and illness or injury, or struggling with depression and anxiety, someone in the town and province is going through it as well, you’re never alone.

I don’t even like wine, but this week I’ll make an exception

Wish I still had these babies in the house right now lol

This week has been extremely emotionally draining. My toddler is at the stage where he is testing his boundaries with everything and thinking it’s funny when mom gets mad, as well he seems to not want to speak English this week so when he’s upset he just stands there and cries in my face, and my 8 month old is cutting a tooth from hell and all she’s doing is crying, so I’m surrounded my crying every waking moment. I cannot remember the last time I had a meal that was still hot, or even the last time I had a coffee and finished it before it was ice cold. Now don’t get me wrong, Alex tries his best to help out but my children are mommy children, so when they need something or get hurt all I hear is mom mom mom. Which is great but after the 30th time hearing mom in half a day, the word starts to get annoying lol

I love my kids with every bone in my body, but this week I’m at the end. Here’s the situation I am in on a daily basis. I live in a town where there is literally nowhere to go in the day time. I have like no one here to hang out with, every morning I wake up 6:30 to the sounds of screeching cries, and half the time I wake up in the middle of the night to crying as well. I do not have adult conversations barely ever so when I am out I get verbal diarreah and come off looking like an idiot. I can only go to the grocery store/mail/library so many times before that starts looking weird and people get sick of seeing me there, let alone I have to take the kids with me when I go and wherever I go, so there is a constant crying/defiance from one of them. I don’t get invited out places because clearly I must be weird or something, I do not get to go to lab city alone to relax, and the store closes here at 6 so by the time supper is over they are closed, and on weekends I like to go out as a family instead of leaving Alex home with the kids. I literally sit in the same two chairs all day, and occasionally the vehicle. I am beyond excited to go to lab city in a week to get a mole removed, yeah you heard correctly, I am excited for someone to cut into my flesh and sit on the incision site for 2.5 hours, because Melanie is taking my children for the day so I can get that done without worrying about them and fighting with them all day long. I get to be a human. And even thought I’m going to be in pain afterwards, I will be thankful for every moment.

I know, being a stay at home mom is such a blessing, and I love being home with my kids, but I am never without my kids, I do not get that grocery store trip, or even a dive to Tim’s, I don’t get to go to a job and be an adult. I don’t get to go out for coffee with my bestie and talk about anything other than baby things, and I know so much about baby things I don’t really even know what adult things are. When my kids go to sleep, I watch the clock and calculate in my head how much sleep i can get before they wake up.. I barely talk because I’m actually enjoying the silence, I do not want to cuddle because I’ve had two little beings invade my personal space all day and I just want to be left alone. Any mother knows this feeling, like if someone else touches you you’re going to explode in a puddle of so many emotions, you do not know whether to scream or burst into tears. 

Anyways just writing this heads made me feel a little better, but I had to get it off my chest. And I know I’m not the only person going through this, so to those who read this and can relate, I’m with you. 

Later taters

My crazy house full of love

It’s 8:30 a.m. and I am presently finishing off coffee number 1 while contemplating a second coffee and watching my children. 

Ethan is over at the dining room table, he found the cheesies Alex and I left out from last night, and I didn’t stop him from eating them all, I just took amusement in what he was doing. He was sly with it at first, then when he wanted a drink he gave away what he was doing haha. 

Abby is over at the toy box, kind of playing with the toys, but mostly watching Sesame Street on tv. She is starting to walk around furniture a little bit now, and she’s crawling like a baby on a mission. The fun stage of keeping her from hurting herself and keeping her from getting at the dog food/water has started. So far I’ve lost the second battle twice this week, I mean every child should try dog food at least once right? 😂

It’s a Sunday morning, Alex is still in bed with a super cuddly Ivy pug, Penny is out here in the living room, looking out the window. It’s fairly quiet, which is nice but unusual. Maybe I’ll get that second cup of coffee, should probably go into the kitchen, not only are there dishes but Abby has made her way into there a lord only knows what she has gotten into. 

Earlier I was watching Ethan and Abby, she already worships the ground he walks on, it’s absolutely adorable, yet slightly heartbreaking when he wants nothing to do with her, for example if she wants to play with the dinosaurs, he doesn’t want her to. The joys of siblings. Earlier Ethan brought me out a pack of yogurts from the fridge so I could give him one and the entire time she watched in amazement like “one day I’m going to be just like my big brother”. 

Having two children under 3 isn’t always easy, but it is certainly rewarding. Parenting is always going to have its good and bad times, and it may seem like it’s getting easier the older they get, but it’s actually getting more difficult. As an infant, they are easy, yes lack of sleep sucks, and if they are colic (like Ethan was) then it sucks a lot, but there was no real teaching, no reprimanding, no feeling bad during a time out, no scraped knees or gashes on their body, and there was certainly no talking back. Ethan’s only 2, I can imagine what I will add to this list by the time he turns 3. Parenting isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s the hardest, yet most rewarding, thing you will ever do. There will be tears, yelling, frustration, and that’s just from you, you’ll get all that and more from your kids as well. 

Well I’m off for today, a poopy diaper is calling my name 😂. 

Later taters!

My Pregnancy with my little girl ❤️

My two pregnancies have been so different in many ways and similar in only a few.

I have been very fortunate to not have any morning sickness on either child, however for the first trimester I had bleeding on both babies. Ethan’s cleared up after the first trimester but this one was different and the cause was an infection which was cleared up by 17/18 weeks. Both babies wanted me to eat fruits, however she seems to be wanting more sweets now, which is not good for either of us haha. 

My pregnancy with Ethan was a lot easier, I never had the aches and pains, I could walk kilometres without needing a heat pack afterwards, and I could do any task without pain or pressure. My little girl is very different. 

Let’s start with the hips shall we? I had a section with Ethan, because he was breeched, so I never experienced any hip pain with him. I don’t even think he dropped before he was hauled out. Since about 20 weeks on her I cannot sleep without agony, my hips are burning and aching to the point no matter how I lye there is no relief. Even when I walk around I need to catch myself on something because I’ll get a random sharp pain that feels like my hip is gonna pop out. 

Back pain, oh holy lower back pain. This is constant but even worse when pressure is applied to my back. It’s not as bad as the hips unless pressure is applied, otherwise I can usually ignore it unless I have been out walking or doing a lot.

Walking is now not fun, I do it because it’s exercise and promoted during pregnancy, but man does it hurt my hips, little sharp pains in each hip and it feel like it’s always that moment the lil one decides she wants to be like a lead weight. 

For the past couple of weeks the most different sensation I’ve felt is when I squat down to help Ethan with something or play with him, literally feels like she wants to come now, like a lead pressure pushing downwards, hurts sooooo much and it’s so uncomfortable! 

Let’s talk about the public differences of a second pregnancy..

  1. People no longer worry about you. First pregnancy people would open doors, carry your stuff, and go out of their way to help you. Now, nope lol. You gotta be super mom, carry that screaming toddler under one arm and wrestle them during those diaper changes. All while gymnastics is being performed in your uterus.
  2. Your toddler really doesn’t care if you want to nap or rest, he wants to run around and have you chase him, or even better, he wants to be thrown into the air multiple times. Of course this has to be done from a standing position because sitting down isn’t as fun.
  3. You are super mom because if not no one would be fed, have clean clothes, and the house would be a pigsty. I admit sometimes I lose this battle and nap when Ethan naps, instead of cleaning, because I just can’t do it.
  4. If you have one under 2 like I do, you will become a human jungle Jim, and no matter how much you try to explain it they will step all over you for cuddles, hugs, play time, and even just to make you forget they did something bad
  5. Second or third or tenth pregnancies go quicker than your first because you have so much to do and a little one(s) that require your attention. 
  6. You have the same concerns you had on your first pregnancy, just less time to worry about them. 

I am appreciating this pregnancy more. My little girl kicks and punches a lot more than Ethan ever did, so it’s nice when I finally sit down to feel those kicks, even if they are directed at my cervix 80% of the time. 

I am excited to see Ethan with her. I know for the first bit he will be jealous but it’s all about including them in your activities and asking for their help. He will love his sister and he will be a great big brother. 

I cannot wait to have her in my arms, but at the same time I can because this is possibly my last pregnancy and I want to enjoy every last kick, hiccup, and craving. 

Anyways that’s my update so far. Otherwise I’m unemployed and enjoying mommy life, the diapers, snotty noses, and everything else :). 

Till next time!

Later taters!