I yelled at my child in public.. And I’m not sorry for it.

My silly, strong willed, amazing little man ❀️

I have a very strong willed 2 year old, who will test his boundaries no matter who is around. 

I believe selective hearing begins at birth, or at least it certainly seems like this with my son. Everywhere we go he will test his boudaries, quietly at first, then full blown tantrum over a kinder egg. The worst is when you try to leave somewhere, just leaving the house is a chore. I get Abby into her car seat all ready and get everyone to the stairs, he then proceeds to close the gate on me and says “bye mommy I’ll miss you”.. Like I’m just going to leave him there. So it takes raising my voice (after asking nicely 4-5 times) before he will even come down the stairs to get his shoes and jacket on. Then I take him outside to get in the car. Ethan adores snow so he walks around and plays with the snow so I put Abby in the car and then ask him to get in the car, which he ignores until I physically get him or turn into monster mom again. So before I even get to a store or locations I’ve already had to yell twice, at least. Once I get somewhere I always get a cart because dealing with 2 children is difficult on a good day, and Ethan hates being contained so if I’m not quick he gets pissy and starts yelling and crying for no reason, then of course we hit the kinder eggs and his whole life just crumbles if he doesn’t get that kinder egg… Try telling an already pissed off child they cannot have a kinder egg… I would rather wash a cat. So through listening to him crying “mommy egg” for 5 minute and his not-listening to my “Ethan quiet please” he eventually gets yelled at again. But this time it’s more public than the earlier times and a lot of the times I think back and feel a little guilty for doing it, but I know my own child, if I could talk civilly to him and he would listen I would, unfortunately I have to turn into monster mom before he even looks my way most days. It’s because of this that when I overhear a mom yelling at their child in the supermarket or Walmart, I relate to that mother and I personally want to give her a high five so she knows that she’s not alone or a horrible parent for doing that. 

Now I also have given in to my child, more times than I care to admit. I am a mother of two, one who just cries because she’s a baby and I expect that, and one who cries and yells and constantly says “mommy mommy mommy” to the point I wish my name was anything else. So when we are out and he wants a kinder egg and is tantruming for it, I have given it to him. Earlier that day I probably dealt with  at least 4 loads of poop, fussy teething baby, Ethan getting on my very last nerve, and the house is definitely up to your eyeballs in mess. So I give in. I am not sorry for that. Those 2 minutes he is eating that kinder egg are quiet, amazingly quiet that I can for once think clearly and breathe. I am sure there are moms out there that never give in, but I hate wine and I do not have that will power. 

No matter how many times he makes me want to pull my hair out, all he has to do is smile once and I’m melted. He made me a mom and no matter how difficult he makes that some days, he is one of the major loves of my life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.


I’m a little uncomfortable… a lot

To a lot of people I come off as sort of a hermit when it comes to going out places, other than the grocery store and mail. Even then I just end up with verbal diarreah whenever someone takes the time to talk to me (come on, I talk to a 2 year old 99% of my day, someone who can speak full sentences talks to me and I get excited, sue me) and then it’s almost painfully noticed they make sure not to make that mistake again. Do you know how it feels to walk out of your house and feel everyone is actively avoiding you? How it feels to be absolutely shattered every time someone tries to find a way to get out of a conversation with you. I have always had a “soft heart” everything I took personally, from being told something I made had a little too much salt, to being called any name in the insult book (name it and it’s probably been said to me) and everything in between. 

Let me just start off with the fact I do not make friends easily. Yet i am an incredibly open individual with anyone who will listen. It all comes back to a situation when I was in grade 6, without a doubt, but because of that my mind finds it next to impossible to know I have real friends or that people like me. Sure to this day I still have moments when I question even my closest relationships. Let me give you a couple examples. 

I talk with my best friends daily and generally about anything. One of them go off and start hanging with other people and I actually get upset, worried, and very paranoid they are going to drop me because they found this cool new best friend, regardless of us living a couple thousand kilometres apart. Even though I know this isn’t true, I haven’t been able to prevent my mind from going there, and then I get the impending doom feeling in my stomach for what seems like forever.

Next example, and by far the most common one, is social situations. They scare the crap out of me, especially living here, everyone is very judgemental, even though they say they are not. I grew up with the knowledge that if you were not personally invited then you were not welcomed, or always considered that “plus 1”. That is not how this town works. First off people just show up to things with or without an invite, and in this town I am “plus 1” to pretty much everything, and there is a stigma around that, one that feel more like “oh shes here” or “oh she showed up” not a very welcoming feeling. 

I only have one friend up here, outside of my husband, and I’ve been here almost 6 years.. and I tried, but I’m not a partier and the first time people stopped inviting me to things I realized the problem was me. Believe it or not, I still have some pride, and I know who I’m not welcomed by and I do not like being in situations I am not welcomed, or I know people do not like me.

Anyways, back to what happens. Alex will generally get invited somewhere, or even the invitation will be open to both of us. From the moment that invite is extended the seed is planted in my mind. It festers, i get that nervous feeling in my stomach and the thought of going out to another social situation upsets me. Even when I think of it I tear up sometimes..  9/10 times I will talk myself out of it every time because I hate sitting in a room looking at my phone for hours. And that’s what happens. I’m not comfortable leaving my husband to go hang out with people I do not know, and those people who I think are “friend acquaintances” always leave their husbands and go off with their actual friends. So that leaves me, sitting on my phone, listening to yet another conversation my husband is having about work or what not. Usually ends up with me messaging my bestie and saying “I wish you were here”.

Why would I want to subject myself to those scenarios when I could just sit home, cuddle my pugs and children, and even hubby. Now I will always encourage alex to go to the functions without me, I do not want my own mental demons keep him from having a good time. Even though he insists on trying to guilt me into going every time with “I don’t like going places without you, it’s all couples and me” to which I think in my head “I don’t like going places and being the outcast who is only there to be furniture”.

Also, I don’t like drinking. I used to in university, but I was around friends, making a fool of myself in front of people who already think I’m weird, isn’t exactly what I’m going for. Also I’m a mother now, and like it or not, I have to be up with 2 loud children at the butt crack of dawn. So one night of partying and feeling uncomfortable is not worth the literal body and head aches the next day. 

In grade 6 I wanted to hang out with the cool kids, and I got invited over to one of their houses after school. I was beyond excited, like yay, they like me. Then we were all lying on the bed just talking about random things and two of them held me down and tried to take off my pants.. I don’t know what their end motive was… must have been to make me feel bad, but thank god I was a chubby child and stronger than them twig bitches.. I remember sitting till I got picked up, trying to pretend like nothing happened, and rationalize what happened.. but I was in grade 6, I couldn’t rationalize anything hah, I didn’t even know was rationalize meant. I just knew they never wanted to be my friends.. 

A more recent experience that just brought it all back was only a few years ago, you know how you can have weekly activities, like you go weekly and do an activity, watch a movie or tv show, or just hang and have wine? Well I was doing something like that, and I liked doing it, I looked forward to it.. then I just stopped being invited, I’m not really sure why, I think I must have said something stupid or maybe I’m just a little weird… I don’t know.. I just know it made me feel bad, and if I was out at the time I’d drive by on my way home and noticed they were still hanging out, just I wasn’t invited anymore… probably should have been more adult and asked what was going on but I have issues and just let it get to me.

I do not post a lot on this anymore. I used to post weekly but lately I write a lot of drafts, about how I feel, and never publish them.. I may publish this one.. if I do it will not be a “share on Facebook” post.. just a post.. more for me. If people want to read then great but I’m not going to throw this up on Facebook. 

Birthday Parties and being sick.Β 

Ethan eating ice cream and cake 😍

Being sick is the worst, luckily tylonel complete and an awesome husband are making this flu easier. In a way I lucked out by having the flu on a weekend, hubby’s off work so if I need to go lye down or a break he takes over without an issue. I find there are three types of mothers when it comes to parenting, there is the “does everything mother” who just does everything, not necessarily because she has to, she just does it because it would be done faster if she did it. Second we have the 50/50 mother. This mother equally shares responsibilities with the father, pretty much the best way to be if you ask me. That’s if you can be that person. Finally the 3rd mother is the do little mother, these children are generally raised by other parent figures such as grandparents. Now in now way am I including those single mom, or moms who bust their asses working to provide a life for their child. These moms definitely fall under a “do everything” mom. 

Generally I am a do everything mom. Without hesitation I jump into everything and get it done asap (except laundry.. that may stay in the dryer for a day or two haha). However a do everything mom needs to know how to be a 50/50 or even a do nothing mom when they need it. We all get sick, we all need to get better. We need our sleep and our “sanity” time. That’s generally why we have significant others and/or nanny and poppy, you need to know when to take a break. So today I have dropped down to a 50/50 parent. Alex woke up with the kids and let me sleep in, he took care of feeding them and their diapers, and he even took “Ethan” duty at the birthday party we were to today. 

Let’s talk about birthday parties with 2 kids for a minute. Generally Ethan’s invited to parties and Abby comes along with. Which is awesome because alex does Ethan duty and I take care of Abby, or we switch. Birthday parties without alex there are generally shit shows lol. Especially if you have more than 1 under 5. Try chasing two children who go in opposite directions. You can’t. So those moms I commend you and will probably join ranks soon enough haha. 

I love kids birthday parties! Ethan gets such a thrill going on the bouncy castle and playing with toys 😍. Abby will love it too when she gets older, I can’t wait. Also I just love children, I’m done having children, but I just love them! They are so facinating, they way they are learning and interacting with each other and adults. It’s proven so far that kids do act differently when talking with adults over their peers, and even someone as young as Ethan is showing this. Now when it comes to his interaction with us it’s different than other adults. For example, we say no and he throws a tantrum and lies on the floor. When he hears no from another adult he listens, and other kids say no he generally listens unless he’s already worked up too much, in that case only a stern conversation and time out will work. 

Anyways I’m going to end this here cause I need a nap and pug cuddle. 

Later taters!


Dinosaurs and High Maintenance

My sleepy little dinosaur lover 😍

Ok. So you have to understand my 4 month old to figure out why screaming because she rolled onto her belly in bed was tragic and unnecessary at 4:30am… 
Abby can roll from belly to back and back to belly. But, like her brother, she doesn’t want to do these things, only when convenient to her. Like you could put her on her belly and she will move around for an hour no issue, then she gets angry or rolls to her back, most times she gets angry and just lies there face into the play at screaming because she’s clearly too high maintenance to roll herself πŸ™„. Just so you know, no I don’t give in the moment she cries, she will literally lye there bawling with snot coming out of her nose before I go and get her most days. Other days, well I’ve probably been listening to Ethan yell and scream and say mommy all day that I just don’t have the patience to listen to her cry for no reason. Doesn’t make me a bad mom in anyway. 

Anyways back to the story. So my daughter, 4:30 A.M.! Decided to roll onto her belly in bed, which is fine, except for this high maintenance thing where she started screeching to get off her belly. And it’s 4:30 in the morning, I’m certainly not up to listening to her pterdactyl voice screaming through the the monitor, so I go in and roll her over and tuck her in again and go back to bed… Or so I thought, she proceeded to talk, make little screams, and enjoy life until Ethan woke up crying at 6am… Had a poop done… So I changed him and put him back to bed… Abby was still awake so I figured I would give her some food to settle her down, apparently it did the opposite and she is still in bed, wide awake, grunting, crying, talking, and probably pooping. Oh did I mention Ethan hasn’t gone back to bed either? “Tay Roar” lol.

So Ethan got a new addition to his dinosaur family yesterday, a large plastic triceratops, which he had to have a nap with on the way home from lab city yesterday. I think his love of dinosaurs is adorable, and I encourage it by buying them and even making sure the fruit snacks I get are dinosaur shaped. The only place dinosaurs are not allowed is in his bedroom because I am convinced he will never sleep! If he wakes up looking for them then he would definitely not sleep lol. Even right now he is sitting on the couch holding a dinosaur watching Mike the knight lol. 

And I feel like I need to say something nice about Abby where I just regard on her earlier haha. Outside of this no sleeping bullshit she’s like the perfect baby. She had her audiology appointment yesterday morning, she’s completely normal, and she just sat there laughing and talking with the receptionist, it was adorable! And she Was so good on the drive yesterday, barely even freaked out. And it was 6hours of driving so freaking out is completely understandable for a 4 month old.

Today, I have two goals: get a shower and attempt to sleep if and when the other two are sleeping at the same time… So I’ll def get a shower but I’ll have to wait until bedtime tonight to get the sleep part. Most days I just try to get from sun up to sun down without any injuries and with everyone relatively happy and healthy. Lol

Anyways, Abby’s still awake and Ethan’s up dancing to paw patrol, Alex is leaving for work in a couple minutes, then I’m thinking its a quick shower then finally getting Abby out of bed… Unless she’s finally  fallen asleep, to which I have to strongly doubt lol.
Later taters!

Potty training and Poonamis


This morning I woke up to Ethan crying at 7am to get out of bed. I was not ready to human at that point so I took him and my iPad into our bed till about 8:30, which is a completely acceptable human time, and Abby woke up. Lately Abby has been waking up full of poop so when I went into her room, and the unmistakable smell of crap wafted towards my face, I was not surprised. So like anyday I go and start changing her, initially I notice she didn’t poop as much as normal so I just assumed I would be changing her again later in the morning, that was until I was wiping her clean. I lifted up her legs and the poop just kept on going, right up her back, way past the diaper barrier. For some odd reason she is finding this hilarious and keeps trying to roll over in it, which is slowly getting it everywhere, so I have to use ninja mom tactics to ensure this did not happen while I was cleaning it all up. 
All while this was going on, Ethan was sitting on the toilet “showing his dinosaur” how he does his pee and poop. So Ethan is 2 years and 4 months old, we have decided since he was two that we should start potty training by getting him used to the potty and such. So far he seems to think that pooping and peeing are the same thing so he poops and pees on the potty no issue, as long as it’s the pee that comes from forcing out a poop. Oh and did I mention that he doesn’t go voluntarily, nor does he tell you he has to go… which leads to fairly interesting encounters like the following:

The other day Ethan must have fallen asleep with poop in his diaper (went down for a nap and pooped just before he fell asleep) so when he woke up I had to change him. Poor thing had a bad bum because of it and the poop was like dried on in some places. So I got a warm facecloth to get it off without making him bum any worse, since he was already crying because of him diaper rash. While getting the face cloth he yells out “Mommy Water” in this very unhappy voice. I thought he just meant he heard the water so when I went in to find his already bad bum sitting in a pile of his own pee, my heart broke but I tried to use it all as a learning experience. “Ethan honey, that’s called pee, we are only supposed to pee in the potty. And your bum hurts because you pooped in your diaper instead of your potty”… yeah that learning experience didn’t work lol.

When it comes to potty training, I love my child, but he’s a little shit haha. Multiple times of the day he will come over to me, stare me down, and just pee in front of me, then laugh and run away. The worst is poops.. he’ll come over, purposely get your attention, then smirk as he poops, then when he is done he’ll grab his diaper, yell poop and run away with a big ol smile on his face… I love my child, I love my child haha.

I have presently been up for about 40 minutes now because I gave birth to a tiny pterodactyl who randomly woke up quarter to 3 to play me the song of her people. Generally mothers wake at the tiniest sound of their child talking in the nights, most times she’s soft spoken but tonight was the complete opposite. To the point I changed her diaper, reset her sleep sheep and decided to stay on the couch for a little bit to see if she would kick a fuss for food because when she’s talking away like this, I can’t get back to sleep anyways so why not write a blog! Worst thing is I have to go to Lab City in the morning so I’ll be exhausted allllllll day and because of the messed up sleep schedules, I’ll be up later with the kids and miss out on more sleep 😩. Oh the joys of motherhood… is it Saturday yet? Oh only Wednesday… I still have 3 full days of negative sleep before my husband can take over for a couple hours so I can nap? Ugh.. 

Oh crap.. Ethan’s waking up now too… of course they would work together.. come on kids, coffee doesn’t even work on momma anymore, I need sleep to function like a human being! Oh…. they don’t care.. gotcha…

Anyways I’m gone to feed a little one and pray that works at getting her back to sleep. 
Later taters!

I love my kids, I love my husband, I love my life… at least most of the time

My heart, my littlest loves

The love you have for a child is that much more intense then the love you have for your significant other or even your parents and siblings. And it’s a good thing to because after the 50th “Mommy Blue Tay Roar” and teething baby cries, you need something that keeps you going back through all of that. 

I have a beautiful little 4.5 month old little girl and a handsome 2 year old little boy. I have a husband that loves me and pugs who not only give the best cuddles, but also put up with everything Ethan can throw at them (they’re pretty much saints). 

I’m going to Florida for the first time in my life this March and I’m beyond excited, but nervous about travelling with kids. Partially afraid air Canada is going to lose their car seats..because for some reason air Canada absolutely sucks at dealing with people’s luggage. I think Ethan is going to love it! We even have our own pool at the house we are renting, he’s going to have so much fun. I hope Abby does as well. 

2017 feels so weird. There is no major life event going on this year, seems like we are just on autopilot… the last 3 years have been so crazy that it’s kinda looking like it may be dull. 2014- had Ethan, 2015-got married, 2016-had Abigail… I just hope it’s a good year and not bad. Part of me really wants to either go back to school, or get a job. Unfortunately up here childcare is $50/day, 52 weeks a yeah, and for 2 kids.. I’m looking at $26,000 a year ish for daycare.. so whatever job I get would have to make more than that, or would need to be a stay at home job so I can also take care of my kids. And when you live in the middle of nowhere, both are hard to obtain. 

School is always an option.. but the only thing you can do by distance is pretty much office and admin, and I really do not want to be a secretary. Don’t get me wrong, nothing wrong with that, I think I would even make a good secretary.. just not what I picture myself doing. 

I could always open a dayhome… $40-$45/day and include meals.. turn the basement into a daycare like area (not like it would change much from what it presently is). The kids would need to be ok with animals, nap time would be difficult but I could find a way to make it work. Put the pack n play in our room, get a cheap toddler bed for older children. I’d probably prefer if they don’t nap but that generally isn’t an option because most people are going back to work with a 1 year old and those kids still need naps. I have no problem taking kids for the day, like when their parent(s) need to go out of town. 

I could open a doggie daycare.. look after people’s dogs when they go on vacation.. may be a little difficult with both kids tho. Could sell scentsy, epicure, Avon, but people here already sell it all and it would just be kinda jerkish to try and outsell someone who has the client base and friendships in such a small town. 

Or I could do business and admin and just become a secretary and like the people I work with over the job I do.. I did a secretary-like job when I was in school. I just didn’t like the repetitive nature and constant computer work. 

Or I could housewife.. which admittedly I am good at, but doesn’t give me the sense of self satisfaction I think working would give me. 

I have time to figure this all out. 

Guess this ends today’s blog. 
Later Taters!! 

Mommy of two

August 19, 2016 my life changed forever and I became a mom of two. You never really understand what that means until you have two yourself. Constantly tired, one keeps you up in the nights while the other gets you up early and makes sure you stay awake, and slightly guilty your first doesn’t get the same attention anymore, especially when you are feeding the new baby and he’s throwing a tantrum at your feet because you can’t read him a book. 

This morning Abby got me up an hour before her normal feeding time, she normally takes an hour to eat, so this meant 7:30 she was back asleep. Ethan was asleep and Alex went back to sleep in seconds but unfortunately I couldn’t get to sleep, once I’m up, I’m up. I may nap later today but if Ethan’s napping I generally like to spend the time with Abby because she is already growing too quickly and I really don’t want to miss out on any time with her this young. 

So I bought winter boots for Ethan and about 8:30 I gave up and came out on the couch. Generally Ethan’s awake by 7:30 so it was strange for him to still be asleep, I certainly wasn’t complaining because I was actually able to sit down and have a HOT coffee, a luxury often taken forgranted by those without a toddler strapped to their legs, and listened to the rain on the window. Today is going to be like every other day, add in some laundry, but mainly meals, tidying up after my tiny toddler tornado, and feeding Abigail. Joined weight watchers last week… Weigh day is Tuesday for me so I’ll be sure to update you on that Tuesday, I just know birthday cakes eat a lot of your points up lol. 

Anyways this is a short post today, check back in again Tuesday unless something else happens. 

Later taters😘