Just because she’s my second, doesn’t make it any easier, it is harder

Abigail Jean Louise Haye was born August 19th, 2016 at 7:50 p.m. and it was one of the best days of my life. 

A lot of people say that your second child is easier, and when it comes to doing everything physical with them it’s true, also a lot easier to leave them with babysitters because you’re a little less worried. Ethan was 6 months before I left him with someone other than my family, Abby was 2 months Haha. Diaper changes are so much easier on a newborn! I feel like I’m wrestling an alligator when I try to change Ethan. And they are just easier to pick up and take around places, they sit still in a car seat while you are trying to chase a 2 year old. As well dealing with them on a daily basis is easier because you’ve done it all before. 

Emotionally, it’s just as hard, if not worse than your first. You miss a lot of things. I remember Ethan being a baby and catching all his first on camera and watching his every move, I can’t do that with Abby because Ethan needs me too. He is still a baby himself and I understand he needs me just as much as she does, just sucks when you miss your child rolling over or crawling for the first time. I worry daily she isn’t eating enough (and she’s a chub so it’s evident she is), and I worry about her development, especially in comparison to her peers. 

One day Ethan skipped his nap, and the entire time he was whining, saying mommy and clinging to me. So naturally I was tired and done when Abby finally woke up from her nap. The moment she started up crying it was like something broke in me, I started to cry and just begged her to stop and that mommy had enough. I let her cry, while I cried and just sat there. It wasn’t her fault, all she wanted was to be talked to and held, but because Ethan had literally driven me to my edge, and it wasn’t even 5pm yet, I just couldn’t take anymore from anyone. After a couple minutes I picked her up and cuddled her and told her mommy was sorry, it wasn’t her fault, and walked her around a bit to get her happier. Ethan was colic, I can deal with crying, and when he cried I held him and tried to get him through it. I couldn’t do that with Abby because I have another child who needed me all day and there is literally only so much Mom to go around. I remember this day because I felt horrible and I try not to have that day repeat itself. 

There is something inside you that lets you know you are done having children. You no longer get that “baby fever”, babies are just adorable, not something you long for. I knew I was done the moment I had Abigail, my world just felt complete and I was happy with it. But knowing this child is your last (pending surprises) is difficult because you know that every thing is the last time you’ll experience it first hand. No more newborn clothing, no more baby swings, no more bobbly head baby you’re afraid will break when they first come out. Soon it will be no more stationary baby, no more “baby look”, and before I know it… she’ll be a two year old and I’ll be wondering where the time went. Emotionally, my second child is much harder than my first. 

Today I boxed up all of her 3-6 month clothing and gave it away. Every outfit I took out I remembered her wearing, even if it was only for a couple minutes until she pooped or spit up all over it. I remember putting those outfits in the closet wondering what she will be like, or what she’ll do in them, and now they are cherished memories. Even some 6-12 month clothing is too small for her (she cannot do rompers with those adorable thunder thighs). The realization of never having anything so small again is hard. Especially today. Yes, first few months of their lives are rather boring, and I’m sure I am not the only one who feels that way, but those cuddles you get will get shorter and shorter and finally far and few between as they get older. I’m lucky to get a 10 minute cuddle twice a week from Ethan, and he’s 2. 

I guess your second child is easier in a way, but if your second child is also your last child, it’s harder emotionally.

Anyways that’s it for me tonight, time for this momma to have a slushie drink and some popcorn!

Later taters!

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