Surprise! (Hard to write, probably hard to read)

My little man, 22 weeks old. I never knew I could love something so much
Ethan Haye, my little man, 22 weeks old. I never knew I could love something so much

Well it has certainly been a long time since I posted on this. Mainly for a good reason. Found out January 3rd that I was pregnant and it’s been difficult to explain why I haven’t been working out, or losing weight, or even worse, why I may have been gaining weight.

Anyway, I am now 22 weeks along. Found out last week that we are having a little boy, which has me in complete glee :). One of my good friends up here in Churchill is due a week and a few days after I am so I am super excited to have someone else going through all the same things I am. I have been very lucky, and I will be the first to admit it, that I have not had a moment of sickness, but the first 12 weeks were a mental nightmare, and when you live in a town like I do, it’s even worse knowing you’re 3hrs away from any hospital care.

Things have gotten better since I hit the second trimester, still nerve wrecking, but its mostly mental now, baby is doing fine (just waiting on the ultrasound results now) , only thing weighing on me a lot is the fact my town is losing its full time doctor, just as I’m going into my third trimester. We will then pretty much only have a doctor for 1 week a month, now the clinic nurses here are amazing, well versed and such, but it’s not peace of mind for me because if anything should happen, I don’t want to have a 3hr drive to the nearest doctor.

I only worry because I’m 294lbs. I know lots of women, some even bigger than me, have went through pregnancy and had no complications what so ever, but that’s not reassuring to me. After the first 12 weeks, and blood in my urine multiple times, I really don’t want to be too far away from a hospital starting 30 weeks. Having a scientific background I have researched multiple medical journals to know the possibilities I may face and being in a town with no doctor is not a good thing for any of them. Downside is to get off of work I need a doctor to approve it, I know my doctor home would approve it in a second, but up here with a doctor who doesn’t even know anything about my medical records, it’s going to be a battle I fear. Time to pack on more stress to my already stressful day.

So back to my weight, 294.. if i’m not mistaken I was around 295.2lbs (I had to look back to get that), and now I’m weight 294.3lbs and 1/2way through my pregnancy. So looks like I’m losing weight overall? Only time will tell but it seems that way. Medically, its not recommended that I gain a bunch of weight, I already have enough weight on two create two normal sized adults so more weight would be an added and unnecessary stress on not only my body but my baby’s body. Unexpected pregnancies at my present weight is the most nerve wrecking situation I have ever been in, and I have been in quite a few. I’m constantly scared and worried that at any moment I could lose this child because of my weight and I have held onto this worry since the day I found out. I thought, honestly, that I was too fat to get pregnant, I would never carry a child unless I lost all of the weight, a child being brought up by an obese parent is a sin because they are limited in what they can do with the child and will never be able to keep up to a child. People have told me these things and I have dwelled on them so much they have become part of my mentality, which is horrible, I know, but I can’t get it out of my head and it stresses me out to no end. If I gain a pound I feel that I’m crushing my hopes of bringing my little man into this world. I have 18 weeks left, and I fear like the first 22, it will be the longest 18 weeks of my life. Hopefully in 8 weeks I can at least get some peace of mind in knowing I will be close to a hospital, so if something terrible were to happen, at least my little man will have a fighting chance.

Anyway, I will try to keep you updated from here on in, kinda hard working full time and “relaxing” the rest of the time.

Later Taters! ❤

 

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One thought on “Surprise! (Hard to write, probably hard to read)

  1. hello beautiful cousin! I think you are doing an amazing job taking care of yourself for yourself and your little man! I can relate to the fear somewhat … having a high risk pregnancy is no walk in the park on your mental state! Every parent has challenges they must face when raising a child… keep working on being healthy during your pregnancy and continue after… thats the best thing you can do for you and him! I hope that the next 18 weeks go smooth and that you don’t even need a doctor in the room for delivery 😉 Can’t wait to see pictures when he arrives!! big hugs!!!

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