Five year ago I looked like this, I weighed under 200lbs and I still thought I was horribly fat. I was told that by a lot of the people who went to my school, children are cruel, that’s all I can say.
This is me now, 100lbs more than my 2008 weight and still fat, but i’ve come to realize that I should have been happy with how I looked before and ignored those people in High School.
Hindsight comes later in life, obviously or it wouldn’t be called hindsight. I cannot blame anyone but myself for this weight gain, but I eat my emotions and always have, so when I heard “You’re a cow” I went to chocolate bars. I even hid eating junk like that from my family, the only people who loved me at the time. Even though people say you can’t be upset at what people said, and that its only words, well I honestly do not believe that. You can be upset. You can scream and yell and do whatever you want, the only thing is that it wont change anything now. These people who think apologies will make them feel better is a load of bull. The ppl who bullied my in high school could come up to me now and say they are sorry and honestly I would laugh in their face. Sorry may have helped the day after I was taunted the entire bus ride home, may have even helped when I couldn’t bare to take the bus home because I knew I would be targeted, may have even helped when I graduated high school and still felt like shit because no matter how much make up I wear I’ll never look pretty. I was broken down, and it took getting out of high school and into an atmosphere where all the immature people didn’t exist, to start to feel something other than hate for myself. I found a man who loves me for me, even though I still have trouble imagining why, he even wants to marry me and we will be married in under 2 years. I have genuine friends, especially the friends I have had since high school. I have always had my family, and now my family is larger than ever before. Now it’s time to lose my weight again to try and improve my own self image. I no longer care how people view me, I know who I am, why I am the way I am, and how I am going to fix it.
Sorry for the rant but I was looking through old photos and just got upset.
Weigh day Sunday and Wednesday (Today) is my Fiance’s birthday! I’m going to go spend all the time I can with him because he makes me happy!